Walking across to the bank, I got the sinking suspicion I was being watched. It was incredibly eerie, and I didn’t like it. Speeding up, I dashed to the bank door, swooping inside like hell was snapping at my heels. The tellers looked up, smiling and waving. One took me right away, as there wasn’t a line. We’d just completed my transaction when the door opened, and two armed men came in. Both toted shotguns and wore ski masks.
“Oh, for f**k sake, really?” I yelled.
That got their attention and both of them turned to look at me.
“I’ve already had to deal with a hostage situation,” I said loudly. “Do you know what a pain in the ass you guys are? Get a f**king job, like the rest of us!”
“What are you talking about?” one of them said.
His companion hissed at him to be quiet.
“The Starke and Howe hostage situation, I was the guy who walked in there, took out the gunman and rescued the hostages. Swear to God, you guys make me do that again, someone’s gonna limp.”
Unsure now, the gunmen exchanged furtive looks. I advanced, heedless of their weapons.
“I’m serious. I will put the world of hurt on you, if you f**k with me, or any of these nice people. If you go now, I’m not gonna call the cop I have on speed dial, and report you. Ten,” I said, taking another step. “Nine, eight….”
Finally getting the right idea, they turned and ran. By that time, the cops were outside. An enterprising teller had hit the button while I distracted them.
“You lied, you son-of-a-bitch! You said you wouldn’t call!” the first man yelled as he was cuffed.
“I didn’t, you dick. I told you, don’t f**k with me. I’ve had a bad week.”
“Were you really the guy?”
“Yeah. I was. That guy lost a couple teeth, be glad I didn’t hit you, too.”
“You’re crazy, dude.”
“I’m not the one trying to rob a bank. Dumb ass.”
I had to hang around and give a statement. Less than half an hour later, Monroe showed up.
“Why are you at my crime scene?” she teased.
“Had a deposit to make. Guys came in. I took it personally.”
Laughing, Lizbette Monroe gave me a kiss on the cheek. “Cut him loose. If we need more details, I have contact information. Thank you for helping us once again, Mr. Doyle.”
“My pleasure, Captain.”
Everyone in the bank clapped as I took my leave. Slightly shell shocked, I drove myself home. Rowena was waiting at the door. Running out to greet me, she gave me a kiss, then punched me in the gut.
“Are you insane?”
“I guess you heard.”
“Heard? I saw it on TV! Someone filmed it on their phone and posted it. Not only that, the cops pulled the security footage and ran them side by side. Full dialogue, and all. If you were hoping for no press, you screwed the f**king pooch! What were you thinking?” She hit me again, harder. I could tell she had a bunch of brothers.
I grunted, taking a step back. “I was thinking—I’ve had enough. I couldn’t deal with getting robbed on top of everything else.”
“They could have shot you!”
“Yes, but I was counting on the element of surprise. Shock and Awe, right?” I chuckled.
Rowena threatened to give me a nut punch, but I grabbed her hands, using one to massage my nuts instead. If I can distract armed bank robbers, I can distract one angry female. She approved of my distracting abilities. I’d lifted her to carry her upstairs, when my phone rang. It was Captain Monroe’s number.
“Hello?”
“Mr. Doyle, It’s Captain Monroe.”
“When did we go back to formality?”
“This is an official call.” She sighed. “They’re ready to release Dionne’s remains. I had asked them to notify me, so I could be the one to call. Have you a location in mind?”
I took a shuddering breath. “I don’t know. I never had to do this before. Can you—recommend…?”
“When officers pass, we use Purcell Brothers. I can make that call for you, if you want to give me authorization.”
“Yes, ma’am. Thank you. Please. And please give them my contact information. Steve has asked me to take care of details. He’s in no shape.”
“Certainly.”
“Thank you, Lizbette. I appreciate it.”
“You’re welcome, Keir. It’s one last thing I can do for Dionne.” She sniffled and hung up.
Rowena’s hands circled my face. Taking my phone, she turned it off. We sat on the stairs, holding one another. I was past tears, unable to squeeze out another one. There was a deep, abiding hurt, that I hoped would ease, when Dionne was finally at rest.
©2021 Dellani Oakes
Dellani Oakes 