“Why are you here? Besides having sex in my guest bedroom?”
“Mom asked me to stop by. She was worried.”
“I’m fine.”
“She wanted me to meet your new woman.”
“She’s at work.”
“What’s with you?”
Randy walked in, pulling on his shirt. I gestured to him, then her. It should be obvious, and would be to my six other sisters. Chica has always done things her own way.
“So, is she hot?” Chica asked as she peered in my fridge.
“She’s beautiful.”
“Picture?”
“Not yet.”
“You’ve slept with her, and haven’t got pictures of her, and he’s the jerk?” She pointed at Randy.
“The nature of my relationship with Rowena is none of your business. And if I had sex with her, it wasn’t in her brother’s house.”
“So, you did! Ha!”
“Yes, I did.” No point lying or dissembling. I’d told Mom. “And it was pretty fantastic.”
“I know, dude. Like—mind blowing. Or blowing something, am I right?” Randy nudged me.
“Since the something you blew was with my sister, do you think that’s appropriate?”
He gulped.
“I really want to put my fist through your face. You have no idea how much.”
“Go on outside, sit on the porch, sweetie. Okay?” Chica kissed him, and he did as he was told.
“Rude!” She smacked my arm. “He’s really nice.”
“So you say. And I reiterate, he’s a slug.”
“You say that about all the men I date.”
“Maybe that should tell you something. Seriously, Charlotte, why are you here?”
“I was worried, okay? Mom told us what you did, and I had this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. You could have been killed. I haven’t called you, or seen you in ages, and you could have died! My baby brother!” She flung herself at me, weeping piteously. “You’re an asshole, and you hate all my boyfriends, but I love you so much! I’d die if anything happened to you. Just lie down and die.”
Charlotte is the dramatic one. Given what she does for a living, it’s not surprising. But she was sincere.
Sniffing loudly, she gathered her aplomb. “The girls are coming by for dinner.”
“What? What! Thanks for the heads up. I’m staying with Rowena tonight.”
“Your sisters are coming,” she said in her imperious tone. All of them use it, some more effectively than others. Maria and Carmen, sister number three, do it best. Since she’s sixteen inches shorter than me, and less than two years older, Chica isn’t as commanding. “So call your honey and tell her.”
Sighing, I knew it was no use. If I was very lucky, Mom wouldn’t show up, too. Chica hadn’t said so, but she’d sprung the sisters on me out of the blue. It would just like the eight of them to keep that a secret.
“Am I expected to cook?”
“We’re bringing food.”
Chica’s contribution was likely to be alcohol.
“I brought cider, beer and a couple bottles of wine.” Her fingers flickered toward the counter.
“I have to make a call. If you and Mom think this is the way to meet Rowena, you might be surprised. Her job doesn’t keep regular hours.”
“What does she do?”
“Works for the government.” I had no idea if her job was secret, though she had been very open with me. “Start the coffee. And go get the moron. If the neighbors see him, they’re gonna think he’s the retard from down the block.” I pulled my phone from my pocket, hitting Rowena’s number.
“He’s not a moron!” she screeched right as Rowena answered.
“Excuse me?”
“Hey, babe. It’s me. Have I got a surprise for you….”
“That sounds ominous.”
“Depends. How do you like the idea of meeting my mom and sisters? They are descending upon me tonight at dinner.”
“Oh. Wow! I’d enjoy that.”
“Are you sure? You can plead that you have to work.”
“No, I’m done. I’m heading home now. I’d like to meet them.”
I wasn’t entirely sure how I felt about all this. Not sure at all. If the only male support I was going to have, was Randy, I might have to get drunk and pass out. Preferably somewhere I could slip into a coma and drown.
“I’ve got to go by my apartment and pick up a few things, and change.”
“You know where I’ll be.” I tried not to sound as woebegone as I felt, but I failed miserably.
Laughing, she hung up.
“Go strip the bed,” I told Chica after I got off the phone. “And if you made a mess in the bathroom, clean it up.”
©2021 Dellani Oakes
Dellani Oakes 